IN THIS ISSUE:
- HAS SUSAN BOYLE EATEN AN AIRCRAFT?
- GODSPELL RETURNS TO WEST END
- WE WON’T ROCK YOU
- OLIVIER AWARDS 2014 – THE NOMINEES
Flight MH370: The Mystery Deepens
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO FLIGHT 370?
On the morning of Saturday 8th March (local time), a Malaysia Airlines flight from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing went missing with 239 passengers and crew on board.
That is all anyone knows for sure about flight MH370. But there are now reports that the jet was deliberately diverted by someone on board about an hour after take-off.
Spasm Journalists have tried to contact Judi Dench, who was believed to be in space doing experiments, for comment. It was hoped that Dame Judi may hold vital clues to the Malaysian plane’s disappearance, but it appears that she too may now have vanished. Worryingly, both NASA and the Russian Space Agency say they have no record of Judi Dench ever having entered orbit.
It seems incredible that an entire aircraft could simply vanish, let alone Dame Judi Dench, but this isn’t the first time something inexplicable has occurred on planet Spasm.
- 1937 – Aviatrix Emelia Earhart disappears over the Pacific
- 1944 – Bandleader Glenn Miller and the Noorduyn Norseman aircraft vanishes over the English Channel
- 1974 – Lord Lucan disappears after allegedly killing his childhood nanny with the lead piping in the basement
- 1983 – European racehorse Shergar is stolen from stables in Ireland and never seen again
- 1996 – The Spice Girls release Wannabee
Debbie McGee: Loves a bit of sausage
So, how does an entire Boeing aircraft just vanish? The Spasm contacted Debbie McGee who once made Paul Daniels‘ sausage disappear. McGee told the Spasm “All you need is a dark room and a bit of a run-up”.
It certainly worked in Ghost The Musical, when Sam Wheat walks upstage at the end of the show and then seems to simply fade through the back wall.
In fact, the world of Show Business is full of disappearances, so could air accident investigators be about to turn to the world of entertainment for help?
Cheryl Cole and Gary Barlow: Before disappearing up Simon Cowell’s bottom
Simon Cowell seems to think so. Cowell, whose musical “I Can’t Sing: The X Factor Musical” is reporting poor sales, will now talk to anyone about anything so long as they mention his show. Cowell told The Spasm “They need to start searching in my back garden. It’s enormous. Easily big enough for a plane to land without anyone noticing.”
The impresario was admitted to a private hospital in Chelsea just last year for an emergency operation on his back garden. At first, surgeons suspected Haemorrhoids, but using special cameras, they soon discovered Cheryl Cole and Gary Barlow had become wedged tight and had to be removed with special cutting tools and a fire engine.
Asked whether a Boeing 777 could be up there too, Cowell said “It’s certainly worth a look”.
Other theories include the possibility that Susan Boyle has eaten the aircraft. Boyle was recently seen eating what may have been Elaine Paige, and Stephanie Lawrence who also appeared in Cats disappeared some years ago at the same time as Boyle was visiting London. Police are now considering whether to move Anita Harris and Brian Blessed to a safe house in Crouch End.
SUBO: Is that a bit of aircraft?
ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST
Ben Elton: Got the idea for We Will Rock You whilst on the toilet
Sad news this week, Spasmodicals. Producers have announced that We Will Rock You will join the list of West End shows about to close, including From Here to Eternity and Stephen Ward.
We Will Rock You was the brainwave of Ben Elton who co-wrote Blackadder with Richard Curtis although some say that the genius of Blackadder was mainly Curtis and that Elton really only threw in a few turnip jokes. All we know is that We Will Rock You is packed full of wonderful Queen songs and if you overlook the dreadful dialogue and the odd joke about a turnip shaped like a thingy, it’s actually quite good fun.
If you really must see We Will Rock You before it closes for tickets:
Monday – Saturday Evenings:
£90 (premium), £67, £57, £51, £46, £36 & £15 (standing)
Week Commencing 26th May 2014:
£90 (premium), £70 & £15 (standing)
Booking info available online at http://www.wewillrockyou.co.uk/
Or better still, the tkts booth in Leicester Square sells half price tickets most days.
MARTI WEBB: ALWAYS THERE
Godspell: The Original London Cast
She’s at it again. Hot on the heels of her threesome with Don Black and Andrew Lloyd Webber, Marti Webb has now agreed to spend a night with David Essex.
The starry pair will attend a one off charity gala of 1970s musical Godspell in aid of Make-A-Wish Foundation®UK. Godspell is based on parables from the New Testament gospels, but fortunately it’s not performed very often.
The show was written by Stephen Schwartz and opened at the Roundhouse Theatre in Chalk Farm on 17 November 1971. After a very successful run it transferred to the Wyndhams Theatre on 26 January 1972.
The gala performance will be attended by Essex, Webb and other original cast members on Monday 19 May: Tickets are on sale now at the Lyric Theatre, Shaftesbury Avenue.
The 1970s cast also included:
- Gay Soper, the voice of Pootle in the Flumps
- Julie Covington (Not coming)
- Jeremy Irons (Hopefully coming “subject to filming commitments”. In other words he’s not coming either)
Gay Soper: The voice of Pootle in The Flumps
OLIVIER AWARDS: 2014 NOMINEES REVEALED
Olivier Awards: 2014 Nominees Announced
The Olivier Award nominations are in. The awards were originally known as the Potties because the winners were presented with an enormous Wedgwood Toilet – helpful as you couldn’t get out of your seat during the 22 hour ceremony; everyone wanted to sit near a Potty winner.
These days the winners are presented with a solid bronze statuette depicting the young Olivier as Henry V at the Old Vic in 1937. Winners still need to have sturdy mantelpieces; each statue weighs 16kg.
- In 2002 Martine McCutcheon won Best Actress in a Musical for playing Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady. However, McCutcheon took the character’s name a little too literally, and through a combination of laziness and “being a celebrity” McCutcheon missed several shows and was replaced by Joanna Riding. The following year Riding won for her performance in the role. It is the only time the same award has been won for the same show in two successive years.
- Matilda The Musical (2012) and The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Night-Time (2013) share the title for most awards won at one Oliviers ceremony, both winning an impressive seven awards.
- If Shakespeare were alive today he would have seen his plays receive a total of 65 awards across performance and creative categories. Of course, he would now be 450 years old so would probably need a lie down.
Charlie And The Chocolate Factory: Original Cast waving goodbye to their chances of winning Best New Musical
The 2014 Olivier Award nominations are in, and unfathomably, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory leads the nonimations. The show has been disappointing families since it opened in 2013 and includes a best supporting actor nomination for Nigel Planer who also appeared in We Will Rock You, Wicked and Chicago largely because casting director and producers wanted someone off the telly and Rowan Atkinson was too expensive.
This year’s Best New Musical nominees are:
Charlie And The Chocolate Factory at the Theatre Royal Drury Lane
Roald Dahl’s hugely popular story ruined by a poorly written book and only slightly redeemed by garish costumes and Oompa-Loompas.
Once at the Phoenix Theatre
Enda Walsh’s adaptation of the film is charming London audiences with its bittersweet tale and folk/acoustic score. A love story to Dublin that cleverly avoids a schmaltzy ending.
The Book Of Mormon at the Prince of Wales Theatre
Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s Tony Award-winning satirical hit was one of last year’s most offensive and funny shows. Warm hearted and with a catchy – albeit filthy – score. Hurrah!
The Scottsboro Boys at the Young Vic
Kander and Ebb’s musical uses the loaded conventions of a minstrel show to tell the story of a group of young black men whose lives were destroyed by a false rape accusation.
The Olivier Awards will be held on Sunday 13th April at the Royal Opera House.
For the full details of this year’s nominees, visit www.olivierawards.com
SPASMALICIOUS GOSSIP NEXT WEEK
Kristin Chenoweth: Coming or going?
Kristin Chenoweth’s head “may be on the wrong way round” following botched cosmetic surgery.